Entry: i wrote this in FBchat but i never sent it to you Sep 6, 2010

i love you. i've always loved you and maybe i always will even if i try to fight it. even if you tell me to give up. even if i myself tell me to give up. it's stupid isn't it? this fanatic devotion to you, this stupid willingness to do everything you want me to, this idiotic tendency to try my best to make you happy. it's stupid, and it's a waste of time. i've lost, yet i don't want to admit it. i am like you, but i am not. i am not doing this just so you'd regret just a little that you didn't choose me. i am not after the thrill of the chase. i am after my own happiness. in the end, i am still being selfish. i want you to be happy simply because it makes me happy. love isn't martyrdom after all. it isn't putting others happiness above our own. it is tyrannical in a way, because it is capturing others happiness and making it your own. true love isn't selflessness. it is taking another's interest to heart.


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