But I am not looking for fun. If I were, I'd just... what? I can do plenty of other things. just not this. This is too risky to choose just to have "fun".
I tell myself I'm just playing because I know he is, even as he says otherwise. And even as he says so I die a little inside because...
not really because i am second best, but because i'm not even second best. knowing that after all this shit, after i have given up everything he still would never have thought of me as worth it, or even worth very much at all.
because in the end i would have again given my all in exchange for a couple of very much regretted memories.
would i let that happen to me? again.
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